Sometimes You Have to Choose Yourself

There comes a time in life when you realize that choosing yourself isn't selfish. Sometimes, it's necessary.

For many of us, especially women, we spend so much of our lives taking care of everybody else. We show up for our families. We show up for our friends. We show up for work. We show up for church, our communities, and the people who depend on us.

And somewhere along the way, we can forget to show up for ourselves.

I know what it's like to keep going even when you're tired. To stay in situations longer than you probably should because you keep hoping things will change. To give another chance, make another excuse, and convince yourself that maybe tomorrow will be different.

But I've learned something over the years: Sometimes the person you're waiting on to change isn't the person who needs to make the next move.

Sometimes it's you.

Choosing yourself doesn't mean you don't love other people. It doesn't mean you've stopped caring. And it certainly doesn't mean that everything suddenly becomes easy.

Sometimes choosing yourself simply means accepting that you deserve peace too.

It means realizing you don't have to keep explaining yourself to people who have already decided not to understand you.

It means being okay with saying no without writing a three-paragraph explanation afterward.

And yes, I'm still working on that one. 😊

It means understanding that you can love someone and still recognize that they may not be good for your life.

One of the hardest lessons I've learned is that you can't love people into becoming who you need them to be.

You can encourage them. Pray for them. Support them. Give them opportunities. But at some point, you have to stop falling in love with someone's potential and pay attention to what they're actually showing you.

That lesson isn't just about romantic relationships either.

It applies to friendships, family relationships, careers, opportunities, and even dreams we've held onto long after they've stopped fitting the person we've become.

Growth sometimes requires us to release things we once prayed for.

And that's okay.

I'm at a place in my life where peace has become very important to me. Not the kind of peace where everything is perfect, because life will never be perfect. I'm talking about the kind of peace that comes from knowing I don't have to force what no longer fits.

I don't have to chase.

I don't have to convince.

I don't have to prove.

And neither do you.

If you've been pouring everything you have into everyone else, maybe it's time to save a little something for yourself.

Take the trip.

Start the business.

Write the book.

Go back to school.

Leave the situation that keeps draining you.

Rest without feeling guilty.

Laugh again.

Dream again.

And if you have to start over, start over.

There is no age limit on becoming the woman you were always supposed to be.

Sometimes life doesn't give us the beginning we imagined. Sometimes we have to create a new one.

So if you're standing at a crossroads wondering whether it's finally okay to choose yourself, here's your reminder:

You matter too.

Choose your peace.

Choose your growth.

Choose the life that allows you to breathe again.

And whatever happens next...

Shine anyway.

— Alicia Shine