I Stopped Living the Life Other People Chose for Me

For a long time, I lived my life through other people's expectations.

What career should I choose?

Who should I marry?

Where should I live?

What should I do?

What shouldn't I do?

Sometimes we don't even realize how much of our lives we're allowing other people to shape. We listen to their opinions, expectations, and ideas about who we should be until somewhere along the way, their voice becomes louder than our own.

That was me at one time in my life.

And you know what the hardest part was?

Trying to be someone I wasn't.

When Keeping Everyone Else Happy Costs You

There were times when I buried my own gifts and talents because using them might make someone else uncomfortable.

Times when I chose the opposite of what I really wanted.

Times when I made decisions based on how someone else might feel about them instead of asking myself a very simple question:

What do I want for my life?

When you spend enough years trying to be who everyone else wants you to be, you can become very good at it.

You learn how to keep the peace.

You learn how to avoid disappointing people.

You learn how to explain yourself.

You learn how to make choices that everyone else can live with.

But eventually, I had to ask myself:

What about me?

I Finally Realized—It's My Life

After years of being who everyone else wanted me to be, something changed.

I decided this is my life.

And if it's my life, shouldn't I have a say in how I live it?

I started choosing what made me happy—even if someone else didn't understand it.

Even if someone disagreed.

Even if someone was disappointed.

Because I began noticing something interesting.

Everybody else was living their lives.

They were making their decisions.

They were choosing what worked for them.

They weren't asking me for permission.

Yet somehow I felt as though I needed permission to live mine.

Not anymore.

Stop Burying Who You Are

One of the saddest things we can do is bury our gifts, dreams, personalities, and desires just to make other people comfortable.

You can spend years making yourself smaller so someone else doesn't feel threatened by your growth.

You can stay in places you've outgrown because leaving might upset someone.

You can keep saying yes when everything inside of you is screaming no.

But eventually, you have to decide whether you're going to spend your life managing everyone else's feelings or actually living.

I chose to live.

“No” Is a Complete Sentence

This was another lesson that took me some time to learn.

I don't have to explain every no.

If I don't want to do something, I don't.

If I don't want to go somewhere, I won't.

And I don't have to create a five-paragraph explanation so everyone understands why.

No is a complete sentence.

That doesn't mean I've stopped caring about people.

It doesn't mean I don't compromise.

And it certainly doesn't mean I intentionally hurt others to get my way.

It simply means I no longer believe caring about someone else requires abandoning myself.

There's a difference.

Freedom Feels Different

Today, I feel free.

Not because everything in my life is perfect.

But because the pressure to constantly live according to someone else's expectations is gone.

I can make a decision and trust myself.

I can change my mind.

I can pursue something new.

I can use my gifts.

I can go.

I can stay.

I can say yes.

And I can say no.

That's freedom.

Never Feel Bad for Doing What's Best for You

There's a motto I live by now:

“Never feel bad for doing what's best for you.”

I wish I had understood that years ago.

Doing what's best for you doesn't automatically mean you're selfish.

Sometimes it means you've finally learned that your happiness, peace, dreams, and well-being deserve consideration too.

People will always have opinions about how you should live.

Let them have their opinions.

They have a life to live.

And so do you.

You don't need permission to become more of yourself.

You don't have to apologize for changing.

And you don't have to continue living a life that doesn't fit simply because it's the version of you other people are comfortable with.

Choose your peace.

Choose your gifts.

Choose the life that feels true to you.

And when necessary...

choose yourself.